"Mickleson Defeats Robot Tiger"

Episode LXXI April 12th, 2010

Ever since we began to imagine the limitless scope of technology, one of the most common thematic elements in our movies has been the destruction of the world by way of the computer.  Numerous films have explored the idea, but the basic premise is that, someday, computers (or robots, or cyborgs, etc.) will become so “smart” that they will attempt to take control of the world from the hands of the humans.  The computers have in mind a utopian society, one free from the errors that humans produce.  However, inevitably, the minute the computers assume control, chaos ensues.  Humans are left to save the day, destroy the computers, rescue the girl, etc.  The end.

The theme common to all of these stories is that computers are inferior to humans in their ability to function.  Thus, computers need humans to operate.  Why is this so?  Well, as anyone familiar with technology will tell you, computers in their present state lack the ability to reason, or make inconsistent decisions.  This is because computers operate in a world where everything can be boiled down to a “yes” or “no” decision, what we call binary.  In the real world, decisions are rarely binary.  To steal a line from my favorite television show, The West Wing, “every once in a while there’s a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts.”  To paraphrase, we humans must use a form of logic foreign to computers to solve problems.  Thus, when computers try to mimic human decision-making, disaster occurs.

All of this was on my mind this week while watching the 2010 Masters golf tournament.  It seemed a prime example of the cinematic theme playing out in real life.  To help me fill in the details, let me show you the similarities.  Here is “2010 Masters: The Movie.”

MAIN CHARACTER: Tiger Woods
ROBOT MOVIE COMPARISON: Evil Computer
DESCRIPTION: For years, Tiger Woods’ existence was described as ‘robotic.’ Cold, focused, single-minded, he succeeded in large part because he was able to withhold his emotions and prevent them from causing distraction.  Tiger burst onto the golf scene at an early age, a prodigy capable of limitless success.  However, as he won more and more golf tournaments, we began to wonder just what was going on inside his head.  Was he even capable of emotion?  Was there anything he feared?

MAIN CHARACTER: Phil Mickleson
ROBOT MOVIE COMPARISON: Human hero
DESCRIPTION: In many ways, the anti-Tiger.  Mickleson was known the world over for being the every-man, the kind of guy that you wanted to cheer for on the course, then hang out with later.  He’d just as soon hole out a long eagle putt as kiss a baby in a photo-op,  In the beginning, the masses all put their trust and hope into Tiger, cheering him to victory.  However, as they grew impatient with Tiger’s unwillingness to display character, many began to follow Mickleson.  Soon, it was Mickleson who captured the hearts of the public.

PLOT: The opening round of the 2010 Masters played out exactly as the movies predicted.  Tiger, the robotic former prodigy, was attempting to become more human in an attempt to win over the human world.  Initially, his efforts were successful, as he gained sympathy both through his willingness to open up and his mastery of the golf course.  However, as the tournament progressed, Tiger found that his emotions were clouding his abilities, limiting his skill level to the point where his game suffered.  As the masses saw this disaster occurring, they quickly put their hope in Mickleson, as he was the only one capable of tackling the monster.  Just as in the movies, Mickleson, the only one capable of using his human abilities, defeated the robotic Tiger, and reigned victorious once again.  Order was restored on Earth.

CONCLUSION
Beware of unsmiling golfers, no matter how far they hit or how accurate their short game is.  You never know what they are capable of.

One Response to “Mickleson Defeats Robot Tiger”

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